Firstly we need to understand the 3 behavioural patterns
Passive Behaviour Symptoms
Aggressive Behaviour Symptoms
Assertive Behaviour Symptoms.
Assertiveness is a right and a privilege, however it comes with responsibilities.
Privilege: Set and hold values and priorities
Responsibility: To do this as long as it does neither me nor you any harm
Privilege: To be treated with respect
Responsibility: To treat others with respect
Privilege: To be listened to and taken seriously
Responsibility: To talk in a clear way and listen to
Privilege: To express your own feelings and beliefs
Responsibility: To be responsible for the consequences
Privilege: To ask for what you want
Responsibility: To allow others to do the same
Privilege: To say NO without paying for it with guilt
Responsibility: To say ‘YES’ when you mean yes and ‘NO’ when you mean no
Privilege: To get information that pertains to you
Responsibility: To ask for that information from superiors or professionals
Privilege: To make mistakes which are part of the learning process
Responsibility: To learn from my mistakes
Privilege: To be the judge of your own worth, time or expertise
Responsibility: To use information you have received from people you value
Privilege: Choose to act passively, assertively or aggressively as the situation requires
Responsibility: To be accountable for the consequences
You may notice that for most of these it is simply a matter of “you reap what you sow”
Being assertive is saying “yes” when you want to, and “no” when you mean “no” – rather than just agreeing to do something to please others.
A message for the “S” style – but every one else should understand this
The want of the S style is relationship, and their fear is instability So it makes sense that an S will avoid conflict at all costs. When I say costs, it includes their own welfare and what is best for them. An S is more concerned with looking after everyone else and making sure the team is happy. So for the S‘s reading, it is really important you learn have to say no – and i’ll teach you that in a moment. You can not say yes just to please others. This includes doing their work or tasks for them because they’re too lazy to do it themselves. In the workplace, if you allow someone to take advantage of your good nature once, you have set a precedence for it to happen all the time. You must not allow this. It will cause you so much stress and pressure as your own work will not get done. You will loose job satisfaction and it can seriously affect your mental health.
For every one else reading: We have a responsibility to look after our S‘s. They look after us for most things, so let’s look after them by not taking advantage of their good nature. If you do it deliberately and knowingly (because now you do know), then shame on you, and it will certainly come back to you in spades.